How It all Began - Part 1

I'm not certain what year it was. We lived in Illinois at the time. Alice, Shad, and I. There were a lot of issues between Shad and I - Shad is my youngest son. He came to live with us when he was around eleven, I think.

Note: My memory on some things is not as good as it use to be. Some things I remember like it was yesterday, other things just don't register any more. Not sure whether it's the meds I take or just old age. Either way, if I'm vague on things, it's not by accident, just can't remember some specifics.

Anyway, there were a lot of "circumstances" surrounding Shad's coming to live with us. Things that impacted our relationship and his perspective on things. But I reckon that's neither here nor there when you net things out. But it did play a role.

Overall, our life was good. I had a great job - Alice had a good career change in to residential construction that was doing well - and overall, we seemed to be doing okay as a family. We were attending Village Church of Gurnee during this time. Shad was involved in the youth group there; Alice was on the building committee; and I taught Adult Bible Study groups.

Then for whatever reason, things began to head "south". In a hurry. It's hard to put together all the details but it wasn't pretty. Much of it centered around my son. We struggled at every turn. When some of the church staff attempted to get involved, something they had no business doing since they had no clue what was going on, I politely told them to take a hike. Then not long after that, one our best friends from our bible study class took us to task on some things, again before some of the church leadership. This session was pretty bizarre, but moderated by some one I trusted so it went better than the other. Nevertheless, things continued to slip away. That friendship ended, my life continued to spiral and then it all came to a head....

I was asked to fill the pulpit while our pastor and several other's from our church were away at a Promise Keepers Meeting. The theme of my message was from Paul and his comment that "this one thing I do..." and the thrust of it all was - and this is what I said, I want to be a man of God.

Never had words sounded so hollow to my own ears. It was like I was sitting in the front row watching myself and saying "you're full of crap Mac! You can't even manage your own family so how the hell could you ever expect to be a man of God!"

Well, I don't know if any of that was true, but I believed it. I walked away after that second service and basically never looked back --------- until now. Then, as I had done once before, I basically told God that this is just too hard; the cost is too steep; and continuing to breach family wasn't what I signed up for.

Uhm....wonder if the Cross is what Jesus signed up for?

To BE CONTINUED