Several things happened this past week that made me think about friends and friendship. One was two long, but enjoyable, conversation with a couple long time friends that I don't see often enough. One is a faithful servant of Christ through YFC and has been most all of the years I have known him. The other is a faithful servant of Christ through a local pastorate in Homer, IL. Each have unique ministries, yet each touch the lives of other people in very special ways. They are both men that I admire a great deal and hold up as examples of what true disciples of Christ should "look like".
The other was a conversation we had with some friends of ours while over at their house for dinner. It wasn't intended to be a conversation about friendship, it just turned into one as the evening progressed. I found the nature of the conversation both stimulating and intriguing.
The fact is, I'm not good at friendships. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy them, because I do. It just means that I find it hard to know how to "conduct" a friendship on an on-going basis. I think about my friends often, sometimes daily. I pray for them, often send them emails, and cards on birthday or holidays (actually my wife does) and will contact them under certain conditions. But to just pick up the phone and "chat" or stop by for coffee, I'm not real good at that. I suppose that's because I don't practice it, or haven't seen it modeled. I'm not certain. Then again, maybe I just prefer to not do those types of things. Maybe it's because I always feel like there might be something more that's expected or I don't know how to end it, or I don't like saying "goodbye" or, shoot, I don't know.
Whatever it is, I do enjoy friendships. I would give my friends the shirt off my back and my last buck if they needed it, no questions asked. That's just who I am. Often times they would not know that, but it's true.
What I think is we tend to measure other peoples friendship toward us based on what we understand friendship to be. Just like we measure the depth of someones commitment to Christ based on what we think a deep relationship to Christ ought to look like. And I think that's not fair. Unfortunately, I'm not sure there is a "standard" for friendship, a measuring rod that says you're doing it right or you're doing it wrong. I suppose, for me, if there were, I would have an easier time with this whole process.
Friends are a good thing. Good friends are a treasure. Treasure good friends.
"The Way of the Wolf", A book by Martin Bell
- Norm
- I am a struggling pilgrim on this journey called "faith". I am learning to be the best husband I can be; struggling with my failure as a parent; reaching for will of God and often finding my hands empty; seeking to fulfill God's best for my life; striving to be a good student of the Bible and learning everyday that the more I know the more I don't know. I work on friendships but find them few - although precious.
2 comments:
I was horrible with *hospitality* (basically just having people around to our house) and Ben and I have discussed it for years...that we needed to get better at it so that we could form more friendships or cultivate the ones we have. I asked God to challenge me with my hospitality issue and He gave me plenty of opportunity. :) When we moved here to England we decided we just better do it so that we wouldn't end up being lonely in this foreign land. Ben and I laugh that we had more people over in the first 3 or 4 months to our house here than we had in 7 years in Dallas.
I've also found that it is great to always have tea/coffee available and a few biscuits (cookies). I'm becoming quite British with that but it makes for a non-stressful, easy thing to do when you invite someone over to chat.
You are such a blessing and an encouragement to me. I thank God for you and love you very much!
Dad
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