Cluttered Mind

"A cluttered desk means a cluttered mind."  That was or is a common saying among organizational specialists or time management consultants. 

I have a cluttered desk and indeed a cluttered mind. There are five different writing projects that I have going on at the same time. It seems that I cannot make up my mind which one should garner my attention. Sometimes I think I just don't want to finish them because then I will have to do something with them. That entails an agony that defies description - seeking someone to publish them.

A cluttered mind is nothing new for me. I have tried the organizational route and it just does not fit my personality. I have stints of time when I am so organized it is scary. However, it only lasts a few days or weeks then things start piling up again and my mind starts eyeing different targets. I suspect this is not unusual, there are many in this predicament.

The problem I have, when it comes to my mind, is communicating ideas. I start down a road, then my mind starts interjecting something new or different and I begin to follow it. Anyone that is listening begins to wonder, what in the world started that? My wife is especially subjected to this kind of loosey goosey stuff.  It is a mind form of "restless leg syndrome". 

Why am I putting this down for the world to see. Primarily because it affects my devotion to Christ. One minute I am hopelessly devoted, the next minute my mind begins to challenge that commitment and tear it down.  One minute it is "yes", the next minute "no" or "maybe" or "let me think about that further."

"The devil is doing that," you say - perhaps. He is rather cunning and sometimes subtle about how he approaches his dastardly deeds. I would rather conclude that it is my own doing. A challenge in my own mind that struggles to make decisions and stay on course.

Paul talks about "being transformed by the renewing of your mind." (Romans 12:2)  Perhaps on this journey to wholeness, my mind is still being transformed.

Last night while waiting for sleep to come, I wondered if other people's minds struggle like mine, or if I am the only one. Maybe everyone else has things set in place and they do not wrestle with the thoughts, doubts, confusion, that I wrestle with. Or maybe they just do not care and dismiss it all. I am not sure which. I suppose there are like-minded people out there who do not have the peace that some folks enjoy. The problem is not many are willing to confess it. Maybe I shouldn't either.  Oops, too late.

Uhmmm... what shall I work on today?